


Man, What a Bum-mer

by Amusical



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Humantale, Alternate Universe - Swapfell, Alternate Universe - Underfell, Alternate Universe - Underlust, Alternate Universe - Underswap, Alternate Universe mashup, Bullying is unfresh, Emotionless parasite Fresh, Feeding the Homeless, Freshby the Furby, Ink is a Jerk, Killer is a radhole, Killer pours his drink over Reader's head, Reader Is Not Chara, Reader Is Not Frisk, Reader is catatonic at first, Reader is homeless, Reader-Insert, So is Nightmare, yo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-08 12:01:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15242964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amusical/pseuds/Amusical
Summary: Fresh passes you by on the street.Like a bug underneath his boot (heelys), he doesn't take notice of you.Not until he notices all of the Skelebros' and their interactions with you.'Feeling' a little left out, maybe he should do like everybody else and say hello?





	1. Chapter 1

The first time Fresh saw you was when he was taking Freshby for a walk. It was a beautiful day outside. Birds were singing, flowers were blooming… on days like this, dudes like Fresh should be outside walking their furbys.

 

Pedestrians on the street passed by the homeless on the street all the time, and Fresh joined them in ignoring you. His vision briefly glanced you over, like you didn’t exist, because on his list of ‘concerns’, you didn’t. Just like everybody else on the street.

 

It was nothing out of the ordinary, there was p much nothing about the situation that demanded his attention, so he didn’t pay attention. Not to the miniscule detail involving you, at least. Not the first time or the second time or the next several times did he take notice of you. Like a normal person, you would not have registered on his radar until he came across you and one of his ‘friends’ together.

 

Putting Freshby away in his SWAG fanny pack, Fresh spies Blueberry interacting with you. Blueberry, a real bleeding heart, even when there was nobody around to see, but then again you were there to witness his ‘kindness’ first hand.

 

What Blue handed you wasn’t money, it was one of his ‘culinary creations’. A taco filled with mystery ingredients like possibly edible glitter. So Blue must have seen you like this, and cooked that for you beforehand.

  

Watching like a lurker, Fresh’s shades turned eww, and he shook his head in ‘exasperation’. Just because Fresh didn’t have emotions, didn’t mean he didn’t have taste buds. And, Blue’s tacos were totes sicknasty, yo.

 

May God bless your poor soul.

 

Thank goodness all the transdimensional skelebros didn’t live together, no more, or else Fresh might have had to eat that sicknasty creation everyday.

 

His attention back on Blue, Fresh watched as Blue tried to get you to eat some of his ‘delish dish’. Suffice to say, it didn’t work. Despite Blue’s best efforts, which had now devolved into trying to force feed you by shoving food down your throat, it wasn’t any fault’s of Blue’s that you didn’t try and eat it. Other than it being a sicknasty joke, that is.

 

After all, in all the times he’s passed you on the street, you weren’t begging none. Although sometimes people would throw money at ya, he’d never seen you actually react to any of it. Nevermind, you moving to take it. Most of the time you just sat there like the breathing dead.

 

Not once has he ever wondered why you weren’t dead yet. Not even know when he sees you hanging with Blue. Although…

 

Didn’t humans need like food and water to survive all a this living they do? All of his host’s bodies have needed to do so. Or at least food since he’s had a preference for Monster hosts, so far, which normally don’t need water except for extenuating circumstances like illness or when taking mind altering substances.

 

Which, ugh, totes uncool dudes. Take care of your own body, bros, so Fresh doesn’t have ta. It’s unfresh for him to crave all that sicknasty junk whenever he has to take over someone new.

 

Finally, Blueberry’s taking his leave which meant that so could Fresh. Taking one last look at you, Fresh can see that you look worse for wear. Impossibly looking even dirtier than you did earlier, before Blue started smearing all that food all over your face.

 

With all that taco sauce dripping down your mouth, vaguely you look like one of them scenes, right outa horror film.

 

Now there’s nothing left for him here, no possible hosts lingering. So for realsies, out he heelys with a [FRESH POOF]. Already, you’ve disappeared from his mind.

 

Until, Fresh sees you again a few days later. Sucking on the dregs of his drink from sonic, Fresh once again spies you with another one of his ‘friends’. Except this time it’s Edge trying to feed you with one of his own ‘culinary delights’. Watching him is like seeing one of those movie cliches where a bad boy playing with an abandoned kitten at the side of the road. The only thing it needs now is rain.

 

Fresh had to admit though, Edge was one tough nut, he had to be, after all, to eat his own food. Edge, the spikey bro, puts literal nails, nuts and bolts into his lasagna. Not even this world’s Annoying Dog wanted to take a bite out of it.

 

Thankfully for you, Edge didn’t try to force feed you. Which was a good thing since Fresh, the good samaritan, didn’t wanna call 911 if you started choking. It wouldn’t do for Monsters to get in trouble in this universe, especially since Fresh has been having trouble with his trans dimensional hopping lately.

 

With this alternate universe mashup, Fresh couldn’t risk for something to sway against Monsters. Well, he could take a human host, but without knowing what’s wrong with his abilities, Fresh can’t risk it.

 

His name is Sanzy Fresh, after all, not random human Fresh. Although there is a human version of the skelebros running around here somewhere.

 

Once Edge started strutting down the street, Fresh took his skateboard out of his SWAG fanny pack and rolled on out of there. This time he’ll take the long way home, occasional exercise is good for the body, after all. {FRESH PUN}

 

It’s not until several weeks later does Fresh see you once more. He’s chatting with NM and Killer animatedly when Killer suddenly walks away from the two of them. Having noticed you, Killer dumps the rest of his soda on the top of your head, and like always you don’t react.

 

You don’t even look up as what must’ve been a sticky, unpleasant feeling slides down your face and clothes. Not even when Killer laughs uproariously right in your face, or when NM joins in a mo’ after. Docile, Fresh sees it all unfold out, still standing in the spot the other two left him at.

 

Uncool, don’t leave a bro hangin’ all alone like dis.

 

The only reason he doesn’t join in, and laugh at you, lulling the other two into a false sense of security is the fact that they’re both useless to him as hosts. Nightmare and Killer are either a soulless abomination or holds a soul too unstable for Fresh to take. The only real reason Fresh even hangs out with these two unsteady, unfresh monsters is so that he keep an eye on the two of them.

 

He doesn’t want Killer going on another rampage like he did in his own Underground, and possibly killing all of the hosts Fresh has on hand. Make sure this version of NM doesn’t goad this version of Killer into another killing spree. In a way, he takes up Color’s role whenever the other two aren’t feelin’ up to hanging out with their radtacular bro, Color.    

 

As his companions approach him, Fresh pastes on his widest, most rad smile. When the two question him on why he doesn’t join them in laughing at you, he replies, “Unlike the two of you, rad bros, I don’t feel any sort of emotion. AT ALL. I just don’t see the point in laughing at this random lil’ dude.”

 

“Also… ” He lets the YOLO drop from his funky fresh frames, letting the blankness of his shades show how serious he is. “Ya should already know how I FEEL about BULLYING. It’s unfresh, yo.” Like a switch, the YOLO is back, and so is Fresh’s radtastic grin.

 

For a moment, the two don’t say anything, silently communicating in a way that only people with emotions can do. Always the more diplomatic bro out of the two of them, NM pacifies Fresh, telling him that they won’t expect him to join in next time. Which, is all that Fresh can ask for. Although, as the group walks away, Fresh can still hear Killer mumbling under his breath about Fresh being a killjoy.

 

Like, duh, brah, but it's still rude to talk about somebody where they can hear ya.

 

Again, barely a week later does Fresh catch another one of the alternate skelebros interacting with you. Rarely does Slim do anything on his own like going out in public without another one of the skelebros like Stretch or Red. For once Slim is alone, not even his brother Razz with him.

 

It’s such a rare sight that Fresh almost takes off his shades to watch Slim, ultimately, revealing the manifestation of his parasitic nature. But almost isn’t the same thing as doing so.

 

So Fresh merely watches passively as Slim pets you like you’re some semi-feral alley cat. Fresh doesn’t know if you’re irritated or not by Slim’s actions, all he sees is that your face is downturned, just taking it like a champ. He’s never been one to understand such nuances in the human face.

 

Who knows, what’s going through your mind right now. He wouldn’t know, humans could be even stranger than monsters at times. Who knows though? Maybe you like being treated like a cat. You have yet to brush him off, or emote at all.

 

Eyy, kinda like him in a way.


	2. Mad Interested

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prologue part 2 or Fresh keeps getting creepier and creepier.

A stake out is what Fresh decides to do about all of this. Obviously, he needs to make sure it's not going to suck up all of his time. Organizing and calculating the times and places his ‘friends’ will be on any individual day will tell Fresh when exactly these encounters will most likely occur. 

 

The rest of that time will be spent on more important things, like spending time with his ‘fellow’ skeletons. For example, just the other day, Fresh was with the original Papyrus and Sans, when Papyrus had purposely slowed his gait to fall behind. Looking back, over his shoulder, Fresh had seen Papyrus slip you some money.

 

Sans hadn’t even stopped to see what was going on with Papyrus despite clearly keeping his attention on him.

 

Logically speaking, this sort of ease of action between the two could only mean one thing, that this was routine. That, maybe, Papyrus often did something all up freely giving to those in need on the streets. Resulting in Fresh’s decision, on his realization on why this might be.

 

 ~~He has his theories.~~  

 

Right now, Fresh is simply trying to observe and understand the motives behind this behavior. Papyrus and Blue are one thing, but from past behavior, Fresh knows that the others should not be acting this way. From what he knows, no one else in his ‘friend’ circle is quite this altruistic. Or in Killer and NM’s case, so preoccupied by one particular human.  

 

Just in these past two weeks Fresh has been witness to several instances of petty theft and the poor self-conduct that would be commonly found on a playground. It was mildly inconvenient every time Fresh had decided to skateboard indoors or use his heelies, especially since the two of them would leave their ‘prizes’ all willy nilly on the ground.

 

Hazards to his health are totes uncool, yo.

 

Back on track, outside of their almost unnatural obsession with you, almost nobody else has any sort of significant interaction with the needy or the homeless. So why do they hella feel compelled to do so? Is it you?

 

How exactly are you making them act this way? ~~Don’t tell him that this is a reverse harem. Ah. Not that he’s not down with the overused reverse harem tropes.~~ Heckity heck. ~~Whatever gets those fingers tappin’ and those readers mad interested.~~ Maybe there’s just some special quality about you that’s not immediately apparent to him? ~~Other than some mysterious and sensual quality that attracts all the boys to the yard.~~

 

Maybe Fresh should take a crack at it? Spend some time nurturing a friendship with you, and see where it takes him. It’s not like Fresh doesn’t have all the time in the world. Who knows? Perhaps it’ll take Fresh somewhere worth his while. Certainly, it might bring him closer to his intended targets.

 

Currently, nobody was around to see him talk to you, but it’s a preemptive strike to get into this mindset, to get used to helping you when nobody’s looking. So it looks more natural, flows more readily for Fresh to do so, if someone important were to look his way.

 

However, the first step to this would be observation. Precisely, what should he do that would be considered acceptable in this situation? Of course, there’s a lot that would be considered unacceptable, too. Just look at Killer and NM, those two are clearly irrational.

 

Then there’s the bit of their lives that Fresh would be privy to if he were to observe everyone’s interactions with you. Hidden in the shadows, Fresh had gone unnoticed even as Ink ambled out of a side alley, mumbling to himself the entire way. Although indistinct, Fresh had a good enough hearing to make out a conscious stream of thought involving random colors and the words art block.

 

Out of the periphery of his sight, for some inexplicable reason Ink notices you and stops, mere feet away from you. Glancing up and back down at you a few times, Ink quickly scribbles something down with one of his many writing implements, seemingly inspired. Still muttering, but satisfied, Ink continues on his way.

 

Fresh has got to give him props though. So self-absorbed is he that Ink doesn’t even notice that when he slinks away he manages to kick up debris, nearly blinding you. Not even a sharp pebble flying towards you, and cutting your cheek, will cause you to flinch. Even counting in the fact that it just barely misses your eye, too.

 

If it were possible, Fresh would have been bored out of his mind the day Lust walks by. As it were, Fresh was close to calling it a day when Lust just happened to be on the same street as you. He wasn’t even the one Fresh was expecting, still it’s Lust walking down the street who just happens to perceive you.

 

As is if you were some tourist attraction, Lust had used you much like a prop for one of his selfies. After getting what he wanted from you, Lust isn’t shy about walking away from you, attention once more back on his phone.

 

Checking a hunch, Fresh scrolls his own cell, and, yes, there it is. It’s a snap of you and Lust, addressed directly to Blue. Asking Blue whether or not this was the same homeless person he was talking about the other day. Lust is leering directly into the camera, and as usual your gaze is elsewhere. Fresh doesn’t see it, but he’s sure that’ll elicit a pm between the two of them about you.   

Several days later, Blue is checking up on you once again, and Fresh ponders if Blue has taken you up as a pet project. That somehow Blue is the one keeping you alive, and it almost makes him wonder what Blue would do if he were to find you dead.

 

Though the thought passes quickly enough, not nearly as entertaining as it is to watch the two of you. Blue almost aggressively forcing himself upon you, and you, unresisting but not really helping him out either. It’s crazy disgusting, and it makes you look all the more like an invalid.

 

Another day takes Fresh on a wild ride. As always with Papyrus, Fresh can only watch impassively as the tol bro tries and fails to start a game of fetch with you. If Slim treats you like an alley cat, than Papyrus treats you like a dog. Even now, you’re sitting on one of Papyrus’s old dog beds, and sometimes he throws you a bone like he did the other day.

 

Most of the time though, Fresh can’t seem to parse any meaning from Papyrus classic’s actions, and also? He’s pretty sure Papyrus’ money is still sitting in your front pocket.  

 

In the presence of others, Edge apparently likes to pretend to have nothing at all to do with you, and despite what Fresh knows he’s inclined to believe him. His homie Edge is a surprisingly excellent actor. Unsurprisingly, in the company of his bro, Red, Edge is his usual hella salty self.  

 

The normal amount of eye contact, the undetectable precision in the way his eyes glides right off ya like a surface; Fresh could have believed that was the first time you came under Edge’s scrutiny. Instead, Edge screams at his brother to stop boondoggling with the human.

 

Without missing a beat, Red slips something into one of your pockets before scampering back to his brother. The bit of sleight of hand makes Fresh a tad curious, but not curious enough to cross the street, and see what that was all about.

**Author's Note:**

> Writing from the perspective of an unfeeling, emotionless parasite is surprisingly a good opportunity to write some social commentary.
> 
> You learn something new everyday.


End file.
